This week’s QUOTE FOR STRESS
“To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.” John Gray
Have you been in a situation where you’re just telling a friend how you’re feeling and their reply is full of advice about what you should do. I know I have and end up thinking there’s no point in sharing my feelings to that person again because they haven’t heard me properly.
Our communication is often bad because we really have no idea how to listen properly. When someone is sharing how they feel, they are NOT looking for advice, they are looking for empathy. Empathy is reflecting back to the person how they feel. That is how we feel truly heard. Empathy is what leads to deep inner healing. Being met with ‘fix-it-up’ advice can put a wedge in the relationship.
Even if someone has negative feelings, just let them be! We’re all allowed to have negative feelings at times. Feelings are just something that exist, they are neither good nor bad, but some people just cannot resist the ‘fix-it-up’ urge!
The problem is that when someone tries to fix us up and give us unsolicited solutions, we’re effectively being told that we don’t know how to run our lives and the other person knows better! How’s that for arrogance!
Try and resist the urge to hand out unsolicited advice. If this is really difficult, at least ask the other person first if they would like your opinion. Give them the choice of saying no. Often an attentive, listening ear is all that is needed for the person to then work out their own solutions.